Sandino's to change name to "Chamorro's"

international | miscellaneous | opinion/analysis Sunday May 09, 2004 19:34 by spaceman

Trendy lefty bar in Derry grows weary of terrorist associations

In a drastic move, owners and management at Derry's trendy latin American
Guerrilla theme bar "Sandino's" have decided on a name change following
complaints by members of the public about the offensive nature of
Nicaraguan Revolutionary icon Augosto Sandino.

A New Poster for Sandino's?

"For me, Sandino and Sandinismo, represents nothing but terrorism"
Explained Ramon Hirsch-Gutierrez, Nicaraguan national whose family were
illegally disposessed of their 700 square kilometer farm when the
Cuban-backed communist terrorists bombed and shot their way to power in
1979, overthrowing the moderate ruler Somosa. "They wanted to nationalise
everything" He went on "they were even against Pizza Hut and Coca-cola".

"When I came into this bar, I was shocked to find people using the theme
of Castro-backed terrorists and murderers, it was horrific, it reminded
me of being five years old and having to flee to Zurich. It was very
traumatising for me, we had to leave Imelda, my wet nurse behind...
Didn't these people realise that the pictures they have on the walls are
all of terrorists who want to murder and bomb all freedom loving people?
I just had to do something"

"Then someone told me that the owners and management were very nice
people. Thank goodness because I thought for a moment that it was one of
those "political" bars where staff and those involved in making events
happen dictated things. For instance I had heard that the
communist-backed Derry Tade Union Council had tried to dictate to the bar
owners that they couldn't buy Coca-Cola, something to do with supporting
communist terrorists in Colombia. Thankfully, the owner Joe Mulheron, who
someone said looks a bit like Stalin but has none of his egalitarian
tendencies, stood up to those communist bullies. Then I heard that the
manager Ann Harley had taken down Basque nationalist paraphernalia after
the Madrid bombings. I was glad to see that the owners treat their theme
as only a theme, and have no truck with terrorists! I was glad to hear as
well that they didn't listen to the nit-pickers who pointed out that the
bombs were Al Qaida and not ETA. A terrorist is a terrorist, I say!"

"I approached Joe and Ann and asked them if they could change the name to
Somosa's but Ann explained that they had had to let the chef go because
the food side of things didn't work anymore. Joe said that it was
probably a bit extreme and that it would make better business sense not
to completely alienate the leftist clientele".

Joe Mulheron explained "I spoke to my mate Niall Birthistle, from the
chamber of commerce, and he came up with the brilliant idea of calling it
Chamorro's". Violeta Chamorro was the leader of UNO, the political
movement that ousted the Sandinistas after benefiting from the CIA's
pro-democracy fund. "It was a brilliant idea and a fair compromise"
teetered Ann "and above all great business sense" spluttered Joe. One of
the bar men on duty added "[for legal reasons we cannot reproduce the
words of minors without their parents permission]" Head barman John was
more straight forward "Did you hear the one about the blonde with the big
knockers?..."