Tokophobia - Fear of Childbirth

by bilkis Mon Mar 10, 2008 13:23

I agree that parenthood should be seriously considered...I am an independant parent with three children, and it's very hard. It's hard to constantly give give give, to be teacher, peace mediator, nurse, developmental psychologist, entertainer, breastfeed, cook, wash clothes, tidy tidy tidy, spend quality time with kids etc & still remember who i am!! it's very hard without anyone there to make you a cup of tea, rub your back, or just listen...It's quite imprisoning and isolating in many ways - this really tests my 'vocation' and maternal instincts. sometimes I just want to run away. but of course I don't, because I do love my children.

So I'd say, (here's my tuppenc'ort)
*make sure you live near your family (as long as they are supportive - not everyone is this fortunate), make sure you have lots of friends around, make sure you have a loyal and loving partner who is not going to buckle under the added stress of a baby and leave you...because If you are dealing with children and protracted PND or PSS (because you actually can't get the space or time to deal with or express it and heal - you may not even have the time to notice that you are suffering!) then it is a nightmare...

*Take time before you ever get pregnant to do some thereapy and clear any childhood issues, and deprogram yourself from anti-childbirth conditioning - because there IS a culture surrounding us that promulgates nagative images of birth - including women screaming (I found i was too focused in labour to scream). remember that there are many positive birth experiences - there is pain, but it really is worth it when you see your child and hold them and breastfeeed them, and look at their little face.

*don't give birth in a hospital if you can help it...the obstretric profession is a business, if you have a caesarian, the anaesthatist is paid a huge sum, as is the doctor. If you deliver naturally, the doctor gets less, and the anaesthatist gets zilch. he gets paid if you have an epidural. the philosophy of the obstretric business is risk managment and prevention. they don't trust you, or your body to do what comes naturally. ( that in itself is traumatic at a time when a womwn is deeply instinctual - it separates the womyn from her pregnant body, from her baby, from herSelf). Homebirth midwives support a woman, and aid her in giving birth - if you can do this, it is a much better option - you can rest in your own bed after having your baby

*have loads of money...I don't mean ridiculous amounts, but you have to pay for a homebirth, and it would be good to pay someone to clean your house for the first 6 months..or next 20 years, depending on your attitude to housework. Kids are expensive, and they break precious things, they test you to the limits and beyond, mess your stuff, paint the wall in your brand new lipstick (last one in the shop!). The expenses never end

*Be prepared to put your own life on hold for an indefinate period - not just career, but socially, emotionally, creatively.

Of course it is also wonderful and when thay tell you thatyou are the best mum in the world or that they love you, it is all worth it - but then again, once you have the child, you are a slave to the hormones and instincts, and you will try to convert other women so you can have company...(joke)

Bilkis

by C McC Sun Mar 09, 2008 13:25

It's not entirely a bad thing for people to be warned of the dangers & pains of childbirth & after (post-partum depression & even puerperal psychosis, which is devastating for mother & child & the wider family). Often mothers have said that they'd felt guilty & inadequate when the baby arrived, that they'd found the birth a shocking experience, as they'd been told that "maternal instinct" would make everything OK. Friends have advised me to have kids, even though I've never wanted any of my own, that everything would be OK once I'd a baby, but I believe parenthood is best left to people with a real vocation for it.

by Tracy Donegan Sat Mar 08, 2008 18:07

Tips to help you stay home longer in early labour so you arrive at the hospital in established and progressing labour.
The bags are packed and sitting in the hall…..the floors are gleaming and everything is ready. The stack of well read pregnancy books sit on the kitchen table with highlighted sections for your partner. After lots of research and stories from friends, you’re determined not to be one of those women who panic at the first strange tightening sensation of labour and race off to the hospital only to find out to their mortification that it was just wind….

First labours are such a unique experience and even after reading every pregnancy book on the planet you’re still not quite sure what to expect. Thankfully there is quite a lot you and your partner can do together at home to make this time at home before you go into the hospital memorable and comfortable. Dr. Michel Odent, the French obstetrician who pioneered the birth pool has some suggestions for creating the conditions for a shorter easier labour and what he refers to an ‘undisturbed birth’.

This labour ‘recipe’ has a few key ingredients that will help create that fantastic cocktail of hormones that helps your labour progress.

1. You need to feel safe and uninhibited. If mum feels stressed and anxious her body releases adrenaline which are the brakes of labour. When mum feels safe and not afraid her body produces oxytocin and endorphins - these are labour helpers ! When you feel uninhibited you can easily slip into that primal part of your mind that regulates labour.

2. You need to feel unobserved – don’t text everyone that your labour has started. You’ll be plagued by well meaning friends and family….and you start to suffer from a kind of labour performance anxiety….you start to think that you’re taking too long….(here comes the adrenaline again !!)

3. Dim lighting. Get your candles out and hit the dimmer switch. Bright fluorescent lighting inhibits the hormonal release by stimulating your ‘thinking’ brain.

4. Excessive conversation also keeps you in your reasoning and analytical part of your mind so rest is important and those relaxation CDs.

5. Low activity – both mentally and physically. Despite what you might have read walking for Ireland when you’re in early labour is unhelpful – UNLESS you feel it’s helping you. Don’t walk because someone told you to or because you read it in a book. High activity inhibits your helper hormones and boosts adrenaline….plus you want to conserve as much energy as you can….rest rest rest..

I know it’s a bit of a stretch for first time mums and dads to associate labour with romance so bear with me. I can already hear the ewwwwww’s as you read this….. But if you look at it logically it’s the same perfect cascade of hormones that resulted in most mums becoming pregnant…and it’s the same cascade of hormones that helps your baby to be born. Just look back at the 5 points above….feeling safe….uninhibited…..unobserved….dim lighting…and not much conversation…it might remind you of when you were dating your partner and the things you did to create a romantic atmosphere and get in the mood ;-) You see where I’m going ? The more intimate and yes romantic the environment you can create at home the more likely your labour is to progress quicker and easier.

Even Dad’s sexy hypnotic voice has a role to play in getting your baby out (after all Dad’s sexy hypnotic voice helped get the baby there in the first place)

Have a labour project that requires low mental and physical activity….think romance !!

Rent a few funny DVDs – laughter creates endorphins - your labour helpers !!

Bake a birthday cake for your baby

DP (Dear Partner) can run you a warm bath….and light the candles…..

DP can cook you some nice food….and encourage you to stay hydrated

DP can give you a relaxing massage…or foot rub…

DP can tell you how beautiful you look

DP can put on some nice music – any slow easy listening music that has good memories for you

DP can put on your relaxation CDs and maybe read some of the scripts to you to deepen your relaxation.

DP can make sure there is petrol in the car and not panic when it’s time to go…..

Now print this out and make sure DP reads it !! He probably hasn’t read all those highlighted pages you’ve prepared for him just yet and probably won’t. His eyes may move across the pages but his mind is most likely on the Championship league…....

Wishing you a wonderful birth

Tracy