Exclusive: Leak of todays estimates

national | bin tax / household tax / water tax | news report

Thursday November 13, 2003 11:32

by WSM

We received a leak of planned new taxes in todays estimated from some in the Department of Finance. This press release comes with the reactions of various parties built in!

Government announces new 'turd tax'

Minister for the environment Martin Cullen today announced a new tax on visits to the toilet, which has already been dubbed the 'turd tax'. He said, "the government is firmly attached to the 'polluter pays' principle and in this case it is very clear who's responsible for the pollution. When we introduced the bin-tax, many people complained that householders were not responsible for the packaging that came with their purchases, nobody can say that about this new 'environmental sewerage charge'".

Minister Cullen emphasised the low level of the charge, "number ones are a mere 50 cents each, while number twos are a bargain at 2 euros. Dublin residents should be delighted with the sewerage service they are receiving at these low charges."

Fine Gael and the PD's both welcomed the charges, but Minister for Justice McDowell expressed reservations about the proposed enforcement measures "we can't just apply the charge after every flush as some households could only flush after several uses. For the charge to be successful, we are going to have to install CCTV cameras in all Irish toilets." The Green Party and Labour both came out against the charges, but encouraged citizens to pay and just vote for them at the next election. Green party environment spokesman, Ciaran Cuffe, said that the charges should be volume-related, rather than the current, "one price per flush" model. "Vegetarians who survive on a diet of lettuce and carrot juice generally produce a low volume of waste, this charge should reward them."

Taoiseach Bertie Ahern warned the public that non-payment would not be tolerated. "We all have to do our bit for the environment, anybody who objects to this charge is just sponging off their neighbours. We will disconnect them from the sewerage system and any protestors will end up in Mounjoy where the normal charge will apply for trips to the toilet."

One unexpected side-effect of the tax is that the Dail has become a very silent place. Politicians across all the parties have realised that they are now liable to be charged every time they open their mouths.

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Comments (5 of 5)

Brilliant!

by Orla Ni Chomhrai

Thu Nov 13, 2003 11:46

Thanks for a bit of light relief,
Orla

Special fans required!

by Tom Turdy

Thu Nov 13, 2003 12:08

Please note the WSM forgot to mention that each household will be required to fit a special fan in their bathrooms to remove fumes. These will cost €500 each. Failure to pay the charges will lead to a build up of faeces and eventually the shit will hit the fan and we'll all be in the shit.

Brilliant

by Michael Turdley

Thu Nov 13, 2003 12:11

An excellent initiative. I pay to lick Bertie's.

You don't have "sewer rates"?

by Mike

Thu Nov 13, 2003 14:23

Here in the US in urban areas (where people are hooked up to sewer lines) there is almost always a "per use" charge.

Not of course per dump but per water used (makes some sense as sewage is comingled so all "gray water" mixed with "black water" ends up "black". They do this with water meters reading the water coming in. You could think of this as a "charge for water" except that the country varies greatly in availablity of water -- in MOST places the water is plentiful and cheap but the sewage treatment expensive.

PS --- As you might have guessed by my address I am not in an area with sewer lines. We here have to supply our own water (spring or well) and dispose of your own waste (working septic system -- you need to get farther out into the sticks befroe they allow "privies").

Very good toilet humor

by Arson Shitski

Thu Nov 13, 2003 22:10

Wasted on the Corporation

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Exclusive: Leak of todays estimates

Comments (5 of 5)