Bertie is a saint.!

national | politics / elections | opinion/analysis

Sunday April 24, 2005 01:01

by John McDermott - removefiannafail

Spain

It,s official

Beverley Flynn could be the next Taoiseach.

Troubled times

The new Pope announces the beatification of "An Taoiseach",while Beverley Flynn throws her garter into the political arena.
Dissension from within the ranks of the various Fianna Fail factions around the country is a dangerous weakness. Class Act Beverley Flynn , is currently rallying her ‘cowboys’ in Mayo, after vigorously resisting moves to expel her from the ranks of the ‘Soldiers of Destiny’.
"I ain’t leavin either ‘she said in a press conference on the porch of the Flynn Ranch last year’-you ain’t pushin me out Bertie,just try it…make my day!
I’ll blow you all the way home to Hell."
This prophecy has now been partly accomplished. The Mayo "soldiers" have defected en mass and been expelled from the ranks.! Fianna Fail are reeling in disarray due to the rebellious Barons there, whose sworn allegiance is to the " First Lady" of offshore bank bonds.!

Many of the rustics,and gossipmongers around Mayo say the cursed banks were the real troublemakers.They put too much temptation in good folks way…offerin to hide farmers and businessmens money from the Revenue hunters. Besides, taxes were too high on ordinary folk,- the government was takin too much from Dublin,s P.A.Y.E. Jackeens,and salaried folk.
‘Beverley was only doing her job’.Some say. This argument claims that Beverley was blameless and scapegoated to save the "Destiny Soldiers", asses!
Sure, the banks were culpable too. Even now as they lick their light wounds from the non-resident account scandals etc, they are busy lending too much money to our young people ,and making their contribution to the endless housing price spiral,-all in the name of the god of Mammon.!
Who complains about that.? Not this government. Not the builders and speculators party, " Fianna Fail".! Not even the muffled civil servants in the Central Bank,-nobody.!
Other townsfolk in Strokestown( county Mayo) say Beverley’s argument is spurious.She was a ‘ hired gun’ who got caught salting away her old mans ill gotten loot, and tries to blame the banks, pleading innocent because her bosses(the crooked bankers) made her do it!.
She was only doing her job sure –but she was breakin’ the law and ought to have known better.Some believe she deserves to be strung up,and her old man alongside her. "Don,t do the crime if you cant do the time," the ordinary decent criminals are saying. This applies to high salaried Euro-comissioners also.
The fact that she and her family were elected to represent the decent citizens of this Island,in Europe and in the Dail,( as well as the all- too- numerous ,off-shore bank account holders,in Mayo and elsewhere,) appears to be an irrelevent issue.
So, she is likely to top the poll in Mayo come election time, same way as Michael Lowry did when he was caught fiddling the books down in Tipperary.
Is there an honest citizen-or politician-or voter- in the length and breath of holy Ireland, folks wonder ? Is there no respect for law and order.?
If the rest of the rebel Soldiers of Destiny countrywide, ditch Bertie ,and make Lady Beverley the new ‘Boss of Bosses’ (Capo de tutti Capi) in Leinster House, we will have some honest clarification of the present in-fighting among the Fianna Fail gangs in the badlands of Mayo and elswhere’
I therefore propose Beverley be elected the the first fearless, female "Taoiseach" .A woman,s time has come.We had a President-why not a feisty firebrand for Taoiseach. Who better to inherit the mantle of the legendary Charles J. Haughey- and in his own lifetime!
Beverley has my number one anytime.
Sure love to see ‘Wanted for Taoiseach’ posters of her, on all the lampposts up and down the State, Calamity Jane style.Buckskins,stetson hat, and packing a pistol under each garter.
What a gal.! Calamity Beverley strikes again! The deadwood stagecoach is a-comin over the hills towards Leinster House.What spirit. She never comes out with her hands up, only- in true Flynn tradition - with both guns blazin’. She learned all those tricks from her ould fella.!
Mighty Mayo. Such women are dangerous.
The next Taoiseach aside, let all citizens and bin tax campaigners in Dublin ,Cork, and elsewhere,be happy that the Soldiers of Destiny are returning to the election fray already,with great gusto.

THE POPE INTERVIENES;
The new Pope has appealed to the Irish people to repent,and declared our beloved Taoiseach-long recognized as possess the odour of sanctity about his person- is to be called " Blessed Bertie." The first step in his almost certain canonizatio has taken place.The next 12 months will see many miracles from the newly beatified "Blessed Bertie".
It is a time for great rejoicing . Prodigal sons and daughters everywhere(except Mayo) are greeting him with open arms.
Closed Hospital wards may suddenly re-open. Not one occupied trolley will be found anywhere across the land. Employment and poor relief schemes formerly abandoned will re-surface. Privatization plans will be shelved.(Dublin Airport terminal ,Aer Lingus etc,)
Tax bands may even be adjusted a pinch as a few crumbs fall from the table,to be greatfully received by the poorest of the poor,( left out of the 12% Great Civil Service Wage Bonanza).
The great generosity and goodness of the Disciples of Destiny will be manifest across the land,heralding a new golden age in which the people will be tantalized briefly, with sight of their own money...before it disappears into the "Black Hole" which is the long dark night of Fianna Fail.

Even the wheelie bins will not be molested in the coming election year…if at all possible,by the "Soldiers".
‘Yes, believe my friends, this will be the only good Party in town for many months to come’!
In short no lobby group,union, club,or social grouping which represents a few thousand votes,or more, will be offended or disappointed.
Lottery and exchequer funds will be prized open and disbursed to the clamoring masses,in a short frenetic feeding frenzy.
.Even the Vincent De Paul Society may find some crumbs under Lazarus’s table.

As a shoal of sharks smell blood from a weakened victim, so will the populace; trade unions, beggars and rich farmers alike, sense Fianna Fail,s weakness at this delicate time of great opportunity, and demand to be sated ,before the Bertie Boat battens down the hatch and disappears across the Lake of Galilee,and over the clouded horizon,as the tax typhoon builds,and prepares to batter the country for another five, long years.
(until the Second Coming?)
Pretenders to the True Faith among rival upstart political factions will be mocked and scorned in The Leinster House Temple daily.
Character assassination will replace debate.The fragmented and fractious opposition will be scattered, in great disarray. The ambitious Rabbite sect will discover(indeed already know) that their camp followers have crossed over in the night, to the enemy lines, having been bought with their own money!
All this will come to pass, before the next election.

Blessed Bertie addressed the multitudes while on pilgrimage, from Croagh Patrick mountain in Mayo, yet many of them were rebellious of spirit, despite their great wealth,and the proliferation of new golfcourses, across the land:
The Beatitudes according to Saint Bertie.
Bertie led his followers ,wealthy farmers,despised tax collectors, building speculators,civil servants,and rich merchants-up a high mountain,where they paused to rest. He addressed them in these words;
‘Look around you ,my disciples…all this, I give to those of you who worship me.
Verily I say to you;-
Blessed are the young people , who have been priced out of the home ownership market,by corruption,nepotism,stroke politics, and well connected builders and land speculators.
Blessed are those salaried laborers who pay 70% of the price of motor fuel in government tax; who suffer the highest vehicle purchase taxes in Europe;the highest alcoholic drink taxes;the highest V.A.T.taxes; stealth taxes of every kind; new rubbish taxes;water taxes(pending);new road toll taxes;private V.H.I.taxes;credit card taxes,…and before all this, - 42% of their reward ,is first deducted at source.!
Blessed are those who walk in the countryside for recreation,and are hindered and persecuted;blocked by the barbed wire fences of landowners and farmers, who take vast sums of the common people’s taxes , throughout the E.U. Empire,-and give nothing back in return.
Blessed are the Anglers who wait all day by the lakeside –and catch nothing!
Their stocks are destroyed, their labors wasted. Patiently they endure agricultural pollution,nitrate poisoning,and legalized drift net fishing by rich men in the coastal estuaries.
Blessed are those who endure lawlessness, greed, and anarchy,all around them. .
-those who are the victims of crime; scourged by illegal dumping; illegal quarrying,and illegal development;smuggling,and racketeering of every sort. Blessed are those in the working class communities –abandoned to joy riders and drug purveyors.
Blessed are those communities where ribbon road development, one off housing,and section 140 motions are commonplace in the councils.Where houses are quickly sold off, in the speculative frenzy of the times.
But cursed be the civil servants who are passed over for promotion,because of their refusal to obey my edicts .I shall scatter them ,and their families,and their descendents,across the new dual carriageways of Erin, to occupy the new houses and offices prepared for them by my Elect;- Martin ‘Cu’Cullen, and Dick Roche.
Blessed are those who shun our local councilors .Watch how they act,these councilors,- always full of their own importance; occupying a prominent pew in their synagogues; purporting to represent the common people while in reality rezoning lands for one another’s advantage; doing deals in dark corridors where money changes hands; profiting themselves at every opportunity; taking bribes; grasping and greedy like swine;travelling to foreign places and living in luxury hotels;ever feeding from the public trough and on the public purse, while devising new ways to tax the poor.
Blessed are those who suffer the injustice of elected leaders who have abused the trust placed upon them by the people
Blessed are those who must evermore witness the spectacle of arrogant and wealthy men-full of bluff and bluster-strutting defiantly before the Tribunals,and justifying themselves daily to the wealthy Sanhedrin,in the Four Goldmines annexe,Dublin Castle.
Blessed are the victims of penalty points for minor infringements,and ludicrously low speed limits;speed cameras on safe and open roads-while drunken drivers nightly traverse our highways and fill the car parks of public drinking places with impunity.
Cursed are those who have covertly sent their wealth to foreign lands ,or falsely colluded with rich bankers to avoid the tax collectors-for they shall wish they had never been born.! Their wealth will be forfeit.! (A little of it anyway...)
Happy are those who have no connection with;and who have never voted for; and who have never profited by;- the corruption,the wasteful spending,or the pre- election largesse of the Soldiers of Destiny-their reward will be great-but only in heaven.!
Blessed are those who cherish our ancestral burial grounds,and all traces of our rich history,and heritage;-though it shall be laid waste,in my generation.
Another Cuchulainn has arisen, in the South,and his army of mechanized chariots will desolate the land and destroy all before it.All this must come to pass.
But I tell you truly,you need not despair. Now is your hour of darkness.Now is your time of suffering.The Soldiers Of Destiny will sift you like wheat,with your own money.
Royal Tara itself will be destroyed.All this you will suffer for my sake
.
But in the end it may be Labour and Finn Gael that betray you...
(If ,they have to pick up the tab,next time around)

But your reward will be great in Heaven.’
This is the Word of Bertie. Praise be to The Soldiers of Destiny.
Amen.