World Stupidity Awards, Nominations Are Open!

by Barry Tue Jun 14, 2005 14:40

It would be less distasteful to join the Village People and wear leather chaps and a thong while smeared in peanut butter . But who knows , Paul may have to reinvent himself if his political career goes any further down the toilet . But is there room for an accordian player in the Village People ?

And will they ever play in the Village or even Sandy row ?

by Nordie Tue Jun 14, 2005 13:29

It is absolutely disgusting and depraved all the same. Imagine joining the DUP.

by Barry Fri Jun 10, 2005 23:22

I think Bery genuinely is the main contender at the minute . That was even more spectacular than Sammy Wilsons naked romp. What is it about the DUP ?

by Barry Fri Jun 10, 2005 23:06

That bigoted wee shite deserves everything he gets.
I cant helplaughing at his dumb smilry face in my link because I reckon thats the same face he had on when he was getting bummed by Gary .

Youre a sick man ye boye ye , keep up the good work .

by Nordie Fri Jun 10, 2005 19:36

Barry, I've been laughing at Mr. Berry's downfall since the hour the scandal broke. He was one of the biggest bigots in Ireland and I can't tell how glad I am to see him in the shit. I mind when Armagh won the Sam he tried to start a sectarian riot by leading a failed protest near the local hotel in the city claiming that he objected to 'IRA flags' being flown outside it. The hotel was flying a Armagh gaelic flag. Then he wrote a letter to the paper the next week defending UVF rags and 'No Pope Here' signs which were hanging round town as 'legitimate expressions of culture'. Just the day before he was exposed I'd heard that he had written to a friend of mine's da asking him to stop playing road bullets because it was 'intimidating to Protestants'. Ohhh, I felt so oppressed I tell ye until I thought just how oppressed themun's must be at having to live in the same county as people who play road bullets and I felt a little better.

Here's the Scumday World story which broke him:

SUNDAY WORLD EXCLUSIVE

PAISLEY'S PLONKER

By Steve Moore

Outspoken DUP election candidate Paul Berry last night claimed he is the victim of a gay sex slur.
The ‘slur’ surfaced after the Stormont Assemblyman set up a meeting with a man who he thought was a sports physio in a Belfast hotel.
The 28-year-old admitted that he agreed to meet the complete stranger at the Ramada Hotel in south Belfast for a “sports massage” at 3pm on Thursday last.
The massage session took place after an exchange of text messages between the Tandragee based politician and the masseur.
The Sunday World was contacted by the ‘masseur’ - Gary (not his real name).
Gary told us that he was gay and he claimed that he and Mr Berry had agreed to meet in the hotel room.
The gay man, who does not want to be identified, said he had gone along with the massage routine to try and expose the hypocrisy of the DUP and the Free Presbyterian Church, of which Mr Berry is a senior member, towards homosexuals.
But three times yesterday Mr Berry, while admitting that he met the gay man in the hotel room for a massage to relieve a sports injury denied that any sex act took place.

Bombarded

He claimed that a slur campaign was being run against him by political opponents, and that Gary was part of it.
He consistently and categorically denied that any sex act had took place.
Gary claimed Berry contacted him initially via a mobile phone chatroom. Over the next few days Gary was bombarded with text messages sent from the politician’s phone.
Our pictures show Mr Berry arriving at the Ramada Hotel last Thursday afternoon and then leaving after the private massage session. He was in the hotel bedroom for 25 minutes.
Gary had told the politician earlier in the week that he was at a seminar in the Ramada Hotel. On Thursday afternoon when Gary was in his hotel room the DUP man phoned him from the car park of the hotel and Gary gave him directions to his room.
Gary says that inside the hotel room he massaged the politician, focussing on an old leg injury.
But he claims that at one stage Mr Berry agreed to have his boxer shorts pulled down, and consented to a sex act.
The politician indignantly denies this act took place.
Despite being clearly identified on a tape recording agreeing to have his underwear taken down, Berry insisted he did not and that: “I told him I was married”.
He said that he had a back and leg massage.
But when further pressed if at anytime his boxer shorts were removed, Paul Berry said: “He tried to remove them at one stage. And he seemed to be, well [laughing], “pretty nervous”.

Opponents

Asked again to state categorically if any sex act took place, the Assembly man replied: “It did nothing of the sort”.
Paul Berry also made the allegation that the whole episode was what he called a “rig-up” by political opponents. He mentioned specifically the Ulster Unionist Party.
And he said he had evidence conveyed to him yesterday morning to prove their involvement.
However, Gary who met and massaged Mr Berry in the Belfast hotel room maintained again yesterday afternoon that his actions were not politically inspired.
He said his motivation was anger and disgust at the DUP and Free Presbyterian stance towards gay people.
He also showed us a number of text messages on his mobile phone which he claimed came from Mr Berry’s mobile.
He gave the number to us. And when we rang the number yesterday morning, Mr Berry answered immediately.
Mr Berry was also contacted by this newspaper on the same number yesterday afternoon.
Gary also claimed that Paul Berry sent another text message to him at 12.03 am yesterday morning.
When asked about his late night text to his sports masseur the DUP man said: “I couldn’t honestly tell you. I don’t know.”
Gary claimed that he received 120 text messages from Berry’s phone over a six-day period.
“I got chatting to him last Saturday on an internet chat room on my mobile phone,” said Gary.
“He made the first contact with me and started asking for a picture of myself. Then he wanted to meet.
“When his picture was sent to me I knew straight away it was Paul Berry from the DUP.”
It was just seven days before he stands for election to Westminster in the Newry and Mourne constituency that Berry took time out from a hectic schedule for a hotel room rendezvous, almost 25 miles from his constituency base in his home town of Tandragee.
Our picture shows Berry making a call while getting into a car at the Ramada Hotel, south Belfast after his visit with Gary.
During the massage session Berry talked about his electoral chances and even told Gary that he was married.
One of the text messages sent to Gary from Paul Berry’s mobile requests an oily massage with soft music in the background.

Slur

Shortly after arriving at the hotel room Mr Berry is heard to say: “I see that you forgot the baby oil”.
Gary said that when Paul Berry stripped down to his boxers in the hotel room: “He was wearing nice Next underwear. I told him that he had a great body and he said he worked out.
“He also said that the last time he has a massage was last summer in Barbados by what he called ‘a wee darky girl’.
“He said he lay on his stomach and put his head through this wee hole and all he could see was her black feet.”
Mr Berry confirmed this yesterday, again referring to the “wee darky girl” but again insisting that was another of his sports injury massages.
“Berry wanted me to massage the top of his leg because he said he had hurt it playing football and then he wanted me to massage his side because he said he had hurt it falling over a fence.”
Gary claimed that a sex act took place later during the massage.
But three times yesterday - once in his own home with his wife sitting in her dressing gown beside him - and twice on the phone Paul Berry categorically denied what he called a ‘slur’ on his reputation and political integrity in the run up to Thursdays’ poll.
A solicitor acting on behalf of the Assemblyman also contacted the Sunday World yesterday afternoon to deny on behalf of his client that any act of a sexual nature took place in the Ramada Hotel room.



I wrote some things about him too in my piss-taking paper, the Armaghgeddon Gazette, which I send to my friends. I'm not slagging gays, just him, because he was part of the 'Save Ulster From Sodomy' Party. This may be infantile and horrible, but that's why I do it:

Armaghgeddon Gazette

Official: Baby Oil MLA Is Now 100% Joke Under Law

Lawmakers today declared that prominent Tangragee cock wit Mr. Paul Berry has been officially designated as being 100% joke, thereby losing any protection his previous legal human status may have afforded him from being cruelly laughed at and mercilessly parodied . “After extensive scientific tests carried out on this individual by our top experts on these matters we have come to the unanimous decision that he cannot possibly be regarded as anything more than a simple joke, so therefore we have decided to remove all his human dignity and throw him to the wolves” said chief law maker Mr. Nordie today. “For fuck’s sake, come on, regarding this creature as even slightly human and worthy of respect is not only passing up a great opportunity to have a laugh at someone else’s expense but is also a gross insult to all other humans. If you regard Mr. Berry as anything other than a object of great mirth and show even an iota of human respect towards him you’re really just insulting your own mother by thinking her of the same species as this entity. Get stuck in, point, chuckle, poke with sharp sticks and generally make fun of. It is the law now, folks”. When asked to comment on these extraordinary events Mr. Berry replied “I’ll suck your d**** right here”.


Tash Discovered

A tash has been found lying on the ground in a state of intoxication in the Irish Street vicinity and has been taken into custodial care following complaints made concerning prolonged assaults by it on good taste. Dark coloured yet somehow almost ghostly in appearance it is believed to be of Belfast origin and answers to the names 'Shamso', 'Bullso', 'Mixi' and 'C**t'. In fact just about any sound even vaguely horrible and nasty and any stupid name you can think of and which you wouldn‘t even call a dog. It has suffered some minor injuries including a broken wisp and 3 spilt hairs and may have been in a fight with an Armagh monobrow and a tart's muff. Confusion reigns concerning its gender but experts suggest that because some individual strands have been found to measure more than 7mm each it cannot possibly belong to a spide and must therefore have fallen off the lip of a piss faced trout and in all likelihood is the property of one Gina Adair. She is asked to get in touch with the authorities to reclaim her facial fungus immediately as cell space is needed for a pair of baby oiled hands which were arrested after a serious attack on the credibility of a local MLA. Police are also seeking a piece of soft music which they believe may be able to help them with their enquiries.


Council Results

Themun’s: 9 seats.
Usun’s: Same as themun's.
Paul Berry: Possibly one very sore but very satisfied seat indeed.

Letter To The Editor

Dear sir,
I write in regarding the recent outing of a certain much respected and well loved local MLA, who we shall just simply refer to as ‘Baby Oil‘. I think it was a disgrace that it took up so much space in our newspapers to expose him as anyone could have told you years ago how popular he was among the gay community seeing as he’s the biggest arsehole in Ireland.

P. S. Hahahahahahahaha!!!

Yours,
Every fenian bastard in Armagh and beyond

For Sale

RESPECT - Slightly soiled, snap it up quick before it disappears entirely, will exchange for sports massage. Contact: P. Berry, room 69, Ramada Hotel, Belfast.



To Let

ROOF SPACE TO LET - Plenty of room, some internal damage (staunch loyalists and wee darkies only please). Contact: Paul Berry's head.


Lost


MOUTH - It seems that I have lost my stupid big mouth. If anyone finds it could they please contact P. Berry, doghouse, back garden, Tangragee.


Requiem for a career

Goodbye Baby Oil,
Twas' fun for a while,
But now yer a goner,
With a **** up yer aisle.

by Barry Fri Jun 10, 2005 18:04

Heres another dumbass

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/vote_2005/northern_ireland/4509109.stm

by toneore Fri Jun 10, 2005 17:56 toneore at eircom dot net

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/beds/bucks/herts/4575291.stm

Two hurt in mock light sabre duel

Two Star Wars fans are in a critical condition in hospital after apparently trying to make light sabres by filling fluorescent light tubes with petrol ....

by toneore Fri Jun 10, 2005 07:01

O'Toole tor being a two faced dumb ass in the conflict of interest concerning the sale of land in North Dublin.

Quinn for being stupid enough to think we don't remember he endorsed the strategy of having US warplanes land at shannon when he was in power as he mouths off now about the current govt....

by Devil Era Fri Jun 10, 2005 04:46

Agree about Bono, but we must not forget our own 'Devil Dog'. Surely he deserves an honourable mention.

by nominator Fri Jun 10, 2005 00:01

;-)

Rep Party Shill